I’d been planning for some time to leave my old job (with which I’ve had a love-hate relationship for years), and that all came to a head a few weeks ago, when I resigned without having a new one lined up.
Finally admitting that all the joy had gone (I wish I’d known where), I took the plunge and I checked out:
I needed to see what life was like outside the old office, and it felt as though it was now or never. It felt bittersweet and scary, but mostly it felt good.
Then, just as I was getting used to the idea of leaving my job, I got a lot more freedom than I bargained for:
In a rather spooky twist of symmetry, or coincidence, just as I was getting ready to move on, my partner of seven years – who unlike my work, I loved wholeheartedly – decided to call it quits on our relationship, without prior warning.
(Or to be fair, there was prior warning, I just didn’t want to see it).
Anyway, as anyone who’s had their heart broken knows, it really, really sucks. And it’s terrifying. Especially as I just let go of another major part of my life, it felt like pretty bad timing.
For the first few days it felt like in a film, like I was going to wake up and it would all be gone.
Then after a few days, and a lot of support from my friends, I was able to breathe again. I started to see beyond the fear, and getting excited at the idea of a blank new page.
So right now I’m taking it one day at a time, but I have a feeling that somehow, everything is exactly how it should be. They say life doesn’t give us what we want, it gives us what we need.
I figure so long as I focus on the excitement, the fear will take care of itself.
Life goes on.