Closing a chapter at work
A few days ago I closed a chapter of my work life, as my contract ended at the place where I have been working for two years. It’s been more emotional than expected.
I’m no stranger to job changes, especially as the pace of endings/new beginnings (sometimes chosen but mostly forced) has been brutal in the last five years.
So I anticipated this change lightly. I looked forward to more free time and a slower routine. I longed to have more space for reading, writing and enjoying the spring weather while looking for my next job.
If you’ve been in the UK in spring, you’ll know how joyful it is – the outside temperatures finally warm up, the sky clears and every tree is suddenly in bloom. It’s cherry blossom season in my corner of London now, and it would be a shame to miss it.
But ready as I was to go, I was surprised by what happened:
First, everyone at the company was generous in their praise, saying I did a great job and I would be missed. I know people say stuff like this when you leave, but this time it landed differently (also sometimes they really don’t say anything nice – you’re just let go one day and asked not to tell people on your way out).
So this team was genuinely friendly, and part of me felt unexpectedly sad to go.
The other thing that took me by surprise, was the rocketing anxiety I had for two days after the job ended.
I normally get panic attacks when my workload gets too intense. I wake up at 3am thinking I forgot to do something important, or worried I’d be found out in the morning.
According to AI (I did ask Gemini at 3am) it’s a thing, getting anxious upon completion of a big project. You finally can relax, but your adrenaline has nowhere to go, so you panic for no reason. Anyway, one day three I started to feel normal again.
For someone who’s not good at expressing feelings and basically always feels “fine”, this departure has felt like a lot.
The team gave me a big plant as a leaving gift, which is a great addition to my living room – I do love plants. Although I don’t normally give them a name, cheesy as it sounds, I’m calling this one Joy.
(This post was shared first on my Substack)
