A problem shared is a problem halfed

“A problem shared is a problem doubled” says my partner, who obviously disagrees with popular belief. In his opinion, burdening others with our worries does no one any favours. Our worries won’t go away, it just shifts the burden onto someone else.

I’m not so sure.

This may be just stereotypical gender divide, men sort things in their sheds or drinking beer, and they’ll let us know (or not) once it’s all sorted.

But as a woman I love to share, and I’ll always call a good friend, my mother or my sister when anything comes up. It helps to “get it out” and it puts things in perspective, because once discussed, nothing is as bad as it first seemed. And if the problem hasn’t gone away, at least you’re not alone ruminating about it (which is the worst thing).

I also realise my friends and relatives have their own problems. They’ve children to worry about and jobs to go to, and not a lot of free time to themselves. It feels a little unfair to spend conversation time discussing myself, when they have their own stuff to worry about.

I’m an overthinker, which means I can easily ruminate choices for days, even for trivial things. Especially when there are many option – watch me go crazy as I try to buy a new phone or laptop.

Listening to this is not fun. Not for me, and even less for other people. Unless I find a willing psychologist (and a bigger bank account) to listen on paid time, I need an alternative.

This might have come in a surprising way. Last week at my local charity shop, between random accessories, I found tiny pack of dolls, sold under the name “Guatemala Worry People”.

The item contained seven characters made of wooden sticks, about a centimetre each, all dressed in a little traditional costume. Which was cute in itself, but even got better when I read the note at the back.

The way the Worry dolls work is, you’re supposed to tell the tiny people your worries before you go to bed at night. You then put them under your pillow in the tiny little pouch provided, and they will take your worries away while you sleep.

What could be better? I like a bit of woo-woo, and if it is irrational, it’s also harmless, so I thought “why not”?

That’s how I found myself talking to seven wooden sticks before bed several nights running, telling them exactly what’s on my mind. I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be one worry each, in doubt I opted for laying them all out, team-meeting style.

Weirdly, there was something about them that felt a bit lifelike, and it was impossible not to warm up to them. I addressed them politely and give them clear explanations of exactly what my worry of the day was, and what I hoped to achieve (after all, as a marketing manager I know the importance of a good brief to get results).

And as you’d expect, it worked. I am sure there is science to back this up – having just asked Chat GPT, there is too much for me to scratch the surface now – but just talking to them is actually quite relaxing.

Voicing out issues clearly, naming the discomfort made it more manageable. Fears usually don’t seem quite as big once they’re spoken out loud. I’m not saying it’s as good as talking to someone else, but it’s a lot better than talking to myself.

Obviously not all my problems have gone away, but on a scale of 1 to 5 I’d say there is improvement to my anxiety levels.

I feel slightly bad for the tiny people, but since it’s their job…

I wonder how well they’ll do when I am really stressed though, when overthinking won’t stop and talking it out does nothing at all. Next time I’m headed for burnout (if there is a next time), I’ll let you know how they go.